What to do with my life now!
The contract I am on finishes at the end of August, I then get married on the 4th September, then on honeymmon, returning to the UK on the 5th October. Sadly I have to work to earn money to pay the bills but I would dearly love to be doing something that really energised me, left me exhausted, used up but fulfilled and happy at the end of the day. Is this an unrealistic expectation? I don't think so, but I haven't a clue as to what it may be.
What I do now is self emplyed management consultancy - this covers a multitude of disciplines and sins. My current role is on a change management team, part of a SAP implementation. The money is excellent, the team are great and the company offers a nice environment to work and play. Commuting is a breeze, the hours are fair, and I have learnt a lot during my time here as well as improving my fitness, losing weight and playing lots of sport. The structure offered by a 9-5 employment has suited me and my golas this year, yet I still crave the feeling that what I am doing is really making a difference to people's lives and the future of the planet - does SAP do this? I don't think so.
So what next? What would really grip and energise me, make me cry with joy and frustration as I struggle to make an impact on the world - the possibility I created on the Landmark Forum Advanced Course was an explosion of truth and compassion in the world. In this statement lies the essence of what I really want to achieve. I have long said that if I manage to transform one individuals life from bad to good then I would be happy, but.....so far I have done nothing concrete to make it happen. In fact most of the time I'm wrestling with my own headonistic desires - play more, do more exercise, play more sport, do more trackdays, earn more and on, and on, and on.....
Part of the issue lies with ego and my desire to have a BIG impact - why? because in this way I would receive greater recognition and hence my ego would be satisfied - why? It's the always unanswered question that underpins my whole life story thus far: "Am I good enough?" and my continual struggle to prove (to who?) that I am.
One way to prove it therefore would be to take on some massive transformational role where I am on a daily basis helping people to create the most stagggering possibilities. I could be a Landmark Forum Leader, but would that satisfy me?? I suspect at the moment I cannot answer that because as yet I don't feel that Landmark has fully transformed me - I have made massive steps and (partially) cleared up some unholy messes that I've left behind me like the post-war debris on any battlefield. What I need to do is to undertake a mini-project where I seek to serve others in an unselfish way and see how that fulfills me. Use some of my talent and knowledge for good in some way in the local community and review how that impacts on my life. This seems a selfish approach in itself but only through serving others can I truly uncover whether this desire to 'do good' is simply some heart wringing, liberal need or whether it is truly my vocation and the thing to which I should devote all my energies.
So what can I do that will serve the community, help others and where I will add real value?
